Republicans searching for love in a liberal city.
A lone MAGA hat made its way through the Rose bar in Chelsea on a cool September evening. Its red hue parted the sea of singles gathered at the Chelsean New York hotel just before the event began. Women looked uneasy as the hat sat down across from them for their designated 3 minutes of conversation, slowly settling as the timer clicked down, but tense all the same.
Surrounded by only “like minded peers” it seemed as though its’ partners were embarrassed by the hat’s presence, as if it had blown their cover. After all, the point of going was to not have to talk politics.
At this speed dating event, GOP singles were invited for “MAGA hearts to unite” over cocktails and conversation, without the pressure of having to weed through politically misaligned partners. But there was one problem - women didn’t want to show up. And it’s all because of this hat and what it represents. Even here, at a singles event specifically for conservatives, a MAGA hat felt out of place.
“I was nervous,” said Kia Lee, a 39-year-old Republican woman of color at the event. “I was like, are you going to get the extreme?”
She attended, and despite her misgivings, was pleasantly surprised.
“It wasn’t like the stereotype of what someone might think when they read that title of the event,” Lee said. “Like, ‘oh my god it's going to be a bunch of Trad women and racist guys.’ Everyone was normal.”
But ‘normal’ is one of those words that means everything and nothing at once. According to the event listing, “Right-winged singles” were expected to wear American flag pins, “polish their patriotic pick-up lines” and “prepare to meet their Republican Romeo and Juliets” destined to “make dating great again.”
Whether dating was ever great, particularly in New York, is another matter altogether. But for conservatives looking for love in a famously liberal city, “Politics have become such a big dating deal breaker,” said Amber Soletti, dating expert and founder of Single and the City, which ran the event. “It’s harder for [conservatives] to date because they’re in the minority.”
A study published in September analyzed dating in the 20 largest cities in the U.S., all to find that New York City was the worst. The metrics included the population of single people, the likelihood of marriage, the annual divorce rate, the rate of individuals actively searching for a relationship, quality of life and cost of living.
"New York may have the highest population of single individuals, but it's also the worst city in the U.S. to start dating," reads the report. "By all metrics except for the population of singles, New York lags behind other cities.”
For conservatives, the situation is even more stark. The number of active Democrats outweigh active Republicans in New York City by a ratio of nearly 7:1. At a polarized political moment, when, according to a recent study, more than 6 in 10 of respondents say a partner’s political views are a deal breaker in relationships, Republicans in New York are simply fishing from a much smaller pool.
With few women signing up, event organizer Soletti sent out a “buy one get one free” offer to women for upcoming singles parties, listing the GOP event as needing more attendees. Only then did the spots fill up.
The two-for-one special offered for attendance at the Republican singles night is in line with national trends too: a PEW research center study from 2024, showed that more than half of men in the US identify with the Republican party, whereas the majority of women associate themselves with the Democratic party.
Skyler DeAngelo is a thirty-year-old Republican from Staten Island, describes himself as “as right wing as they come” – he even volunteered for Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign – but doesn’t think that should affect how women perceive him in the dating market.
“I'll date anybody,” Deangleo said. “It doesn't bother me if the girl has different politics than me. What bothers me is if the person disrespected my views.”
Those views can be quite conservative. According to DeAngelo, young women aren’t upholding the familial values once shared by people across the political spectrum, and he fears it will contribute to the decline of the American economy, by making marriage increasingly rare.
“I think men and women in the modern world have forgotten that one gender is not superior to the other. What we do is we complement each other, we fill different roles, and we need each other,” DeAngelo said. “I don't really like it when young women in particular will be like, I don't need a man.”
Women who have never been married are three times as likely to associate themselves with the Democratic party than the Republican. According to Gallup, marriage rates have fallen below fifty percent for Democrats and Independents, and sits around 67% for Republicans.
Many of the attendees of the event said it was a relief to know the people they are meeting share the same values as them. But there may be more of a disconnect than the speed daters think, one that more accurately reflects a gender gap than a political one.
“I think most people, until recently, say they’re fiscally conservative and socially liberal,” said Monica Allen, a female conservative who currently works two jobs in the media industry.
For her, the necessary shared values are mostly social, with an understanding of conservative views on money.
“I could never date somebody who, like, hates gay people,” she said.
Daniel Huff, a former Trump Aide, founder of conservative dating app Date Right Stuff, says that politics are a “major dividing point” in dating.
“We’re in a situation where politics is the new religion,” Huff said.
Huff said conservatives face obstacles dating across the political spectrum because of the hostility they feel “from the left.” He also noted that Democrats have the upper hand in younger generations, who make up the majority.
“Liberals are more intolerant, frankly, of conservatives,” Huff said. “Conservatives found that they were unwelcome in these [Hinge and Bumble] and other venues, both from the users and from the companies themselves.”
Huff cited a 2020 initiative from the popular dating app Bumble where all users needed to comply with their Black Lives Matter efforts before being able to use the app. The loading screen of the app read: “Bumble stands in solidarity with Black Americans and the Black Lives Matter movement in the fight to end the systematic racism that plagues this country. We urge our community to report racism you see on the app. Racist behavior is not welcome here, and users will be blocked for engaging in hate speech of any kind.”
Users then had to click “I agree” in order to continue using the application.
“So basically, both the platforms and the users evince hostility toward conservatives,” he said.
According to Huff, the men on his app aren’t necessarily “political junkies” but just reflective of how men “used to think” 10-15 years ago.
“[Date Right Stuff users] are just a lot of people who just don't think that there should be men in women's sports,” he said. “And they're afraid to say something like that. So they want to find a community where that's not considered some lunatic fringe idea.”
Back at the singles event, DeAngelo argues there are unrealistic pressures and expectations for conservative men dating in New York City, especially with the rise of liberal women who are using their twenties to focus on their careers rather than settling down.
“Society has pushed women to go for a career over a meaningful relationship,” DeAngelo said. “A lot of women find themselves in their 30s and now with their careers struggling to develop that meaningful relationship.”
DeAngelo claims that women 18-26 want men in their thirties who can provide for them, often overlooking the younger men who are still figuring out their career aspirations.
A 2017 study published in the Harvard Business Review found that women in elite MBA programs changed their career goals when they thought their answers would be seen by male peers as opposed to only being seen by their career counselor.
On average, the desired salary of single women dropped from $131,000 to $113,000, their willingness to travel dropped from 14 days per month to 7 days and they reported significantly lower levels of professional ambition and tendency to lead. Women in relationship’s answers did not change.
Despite academic or career success, women in this study adjusted their aspirations to come off as more desirable by their single male peers. The pressures of the dating market overruled the pressures of the job market.
“Even if a woman's a high earner, there's an intrinsic urge and a need to be more submissive to the right man, and a lot of them want that,” DeAngelo said.
A 2021 study found that for both genders, husbands making more than wives raised life satisfaction significantly. Societal norms have created a power dynamic where men are the breadwinners and women the homemakers. Breaking that dynamic is likely to cause issues within the relationship.
“It’s an ego thing,” Allen said. “If you make more money than a man it turns into a whole thing. So, I do want equality but I want him to make more money than me,” Allen said.
Allen said she once had a date suggest she quit her job just to avoid the company mandated COVID-19 vaccine.
In 2023, just over half of US marriages had the husband as the sole breadwinner. Currently, there are 2.4 million more women enrolled in college than men. Though circumstances have changed, the overarching feeling of needing to be superior still resonates to men, despite the realities of their performance.
Consequently, DeAngelo believes women who are successful in their careers shouldn’t expect the caliber of men they are competing with to be up to the challenge of dating them. He believes that when men reach the age and status that attracts high-achieving women in this age group, the men are more likely to write monogamy off completely.
“I think women who are the power earners have to be aware that leveling up at that point is hard, and you're competing for a tier of men that's not going to see you as their only option and will not treat you as their only option,” Denagelo said. “You're going to have to share those guys.”
Despite an obvious disparity in the shared values of these Republican daters, the event was “one of the most successful” that Soletti had hosted. All but one participant went home with at least one match, some with multiple dates lined up in the following weeks.
The event wrapped and the Rose Bar transformed from cupid’s hub to a Latin dance class, where more New York City singles gathered to meet through their own shared interest.
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